i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
