I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
