If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
