and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
