Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
