I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
