I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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