and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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