He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he shaved USA in his pubs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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