Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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