you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
