Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
