I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
