I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
