I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
