whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
