We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want nice things and good sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
