Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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