watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
