Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
