There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
