Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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