the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
