First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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