btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
