I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize