Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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