the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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