"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
