She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
