Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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