Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
