I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
