dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to get me chipped asap
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
