Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
