Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
