Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
