get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
