I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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