dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
