He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Congratulations! We have a period
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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