I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
