Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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