I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Found the puke drawer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
