Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize