i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize