no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
