How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
tell me about the fingering
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