We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
