So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
