my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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