Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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