Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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