It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
