I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize