new low.... made out with someone while peeing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
