Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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