You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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