i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
