She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to be your penis for a week.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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