me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
